random introspective ramblings
Jan. 5th, 2006 01:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gloraelinAnother rather miserable day. Found out yesterday that a) I have no insurance whatsoever, and b) that I need to know by Jan. 20th if I'm going out of state for my B.A. or not.
I also can't stop feeling very stupid that I fell for someone. I should have known better. Or at least that's what my mind is telling me. My heart, on the other hand, keeps wanting him. Badly. But it's not possible, and so I just hurt. All the time. It doesn't seem to get any better, and I wonder sometimes if it'll ever stop. I've cried myself to sleep too many times lately. I just wish there was a switch to turn off these feelings, so I won't have to worry about hurting myself or him.
I'm just so tired of pain, whether it be physical or emotional. Sometimes it feels as though if I have just one more thing happen, I'll go crazy, or my heart will explode and dry up, never to feel again. I don't want that. Some of these things I have stored away are too precious, to sweet, to wish them away. I think about it occasionally (well, more than that lately), and I've got so many good memories, I'm scared the bad or the bitter or the not-so-sweet ones will push them all away.
bleh.
I also can't stop feeling very stupid that I fell for someone. I should have known better. Or at least that's what my mind is telling me. My heart, on the other hand, keeps wanting him. Badly. But it's not possible, and so I just hurt. All the time. It doesn't seem to get any better, and I wonder sometimes if it'll ever stop. I've cried myself to sleep too many times lately. I just wish there was a switch to turn off these feelings, so I won't have to worry about hurting myself or him.
I'm just so tired of pain, whether it be physical or emotional. Sometimes it feels as though if I have just one more thing happen, I'll go crazy, or my heart will explode and dry up, never to feel again. I don't want that. Some of these things I have stored away are too precious, to sweet, to wish them away. I think about it occasionally (well, more than that lately), and I've got so many good memories, I'm scared the bad or the bitter or the not-so-sweet ones will push them all away.
bleh.
