(no subject)
Jan. 8th, 2006 02:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gloraelinI think my body is out to get me. I went to bed around 12:30, slept, it's now... 2:30, and I'm wide awake again.
Maybe I'm just letting my insecurities get to me. The fact is, I'm pretty much falling apart inside. I'm not this gal who has everything together, no, that's the mask I put on. Why? No idea. Perhaps it's the times that I've been hurt by not masking it that are making me do it. Perhaps I'm just scared of what will happen if people see the real me.
This whole thing with school has me so confused. I thought I had at least 6 months to work on it, find a school, apply for aid, all that junk, but I don't. They expect me to know NOW, I don't, and I'm scared and lost. At least I know my major. That's a step. But everything else... funding, where I'm going, where I'll live, what I'll do after it, that's all a gigantic mess that I have to either jump into or be pushed in. I'm so afraid I won't be able to stand it and I'll drown.
Maybe I'm just letting my insecurities get to me. The fact is, I'm pretty much falling apart inside. I'm not this gal who has everything together, no, that's the mask I put on. Why? No idea. Perhaps it's the times that I've been hurt by not masking it that are making me do it. Perhaps I'm just scared of what will happen if people see the real me.
This whole thing with school has me so confused. I thought I had at least 6 months to work on it, find a school, apply for aid, all that junk, but I don't. They expect me to know NOW, I don't, and I'm scared and lost. At least I know my major. That's a step. But everything else... funding, where I'm going, where I'll live, what I'll do after it, that's all a gigantic mess that I have to either jump into or be pushed in. I'm so afraid I won't be able to stand it and I'll drown.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-08 12:31 pm (UTC)